I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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