from now on my penis is your penis
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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