The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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