last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
