OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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