piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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