u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Shame is for Republicans.
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