so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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