Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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