jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize