How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
