Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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