I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
