Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
two words...techno handjob
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
