Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
