so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
