maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am available for nakedness
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
