when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
