Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
