I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ladies don't puke and tell
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
