i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
