you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
