i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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