3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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