I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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