Where did you get a picture of my penis
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
