just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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