Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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