Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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