Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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