she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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