i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
