I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
