covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
