Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
