I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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