I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
