its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
