So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
