just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize