I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
