I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
