Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
