he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
