false alarm. still invincible.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
