listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
