there's paper in my vomit.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
