did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
