I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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