My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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