I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
