sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
