Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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