i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
