My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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