To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
