I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
