If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it wasn't lemon gatorade
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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