Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize