the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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