dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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