apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
