Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
