There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
