Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
