Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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