Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
