I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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