I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
