After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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