It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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