i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh god it's open bar.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize