You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
