Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
